Douche of the day....me...

Sorry I have been missing. My job has soooo gotten in the way of my life these days!Ha! I nominate ME as Douche of the day since I've been missing so long.....not sure what my punishment should be...maybe dress up like Snooki for a day? Ha.....I will be better and I will be back...

Peace & Love

Vampire Squirrels

I have freaking squirrels in my attic. I've had them there for over 6 months. They are playing soccer over my head when I sleep. I hate them. I called my landlord (again) and she tells me that she would come remove them but they will 'just come back in' and I tell her "well you have to patch the giant hole in the roof" and then she tells me "I've tried that. I had this happen in my old house, I would evict the squirrels, patch the holes and they'd just chew back through."

We keep talking about different squirrel evicting options and the entire time I'm wondering what kind of SuperVampire Squirrels we have when she mentions she has been using GreatStuff to patch the holes. Whaaaaaaaaat? I'm sorry? GreatSTuff? Really? You expect FOAM to keep a squirrel out of a nice warm house??? WTF!

If you don't know what GreatStuff is its..well its great stuff that you can use to seal up little cracks in your windows or plumbing but not for giant gaping HOLES. For THAT you need a 2x4, some nails, maybe some new shingles..I don't know but not freakin foam. Acck.

I love this....................

Lady with a stick returns....

....Only this time with pruning shears and in MY yard!!!!!

See previous post first

I returned home today to find the slippers with a stick lady on the outskirts of MY yard snipping at trees and bushes!

I mosied my way over to inquire what she was doing and she informed me that the trees and bushes were 'infringing' on the roadway. I asked her if she had started renting the house next door (since that is where I first discovered her) and she informed me no, she in fact had her own house but this area needed to be cleaned up. She also told me she had just come from a few blocks away and had finished cleaning that area up because one neighbors flowers were in another's yard.

Now, if I wasn't a renter I probably would have been mad as hell that she went snipping at my trees. And she traveled into my YARD to snip at a tree next door that was leaning over my yard (she said she didn't want the neighbors limbs in my yard..!). However, as I do rent and the yard truly needed some attention ( my landlord..well that is for another day) I merely smiled and went back inside before she decided I needed a trim myself.

I'm still a bit shocked she feels it is okay to go running around with pruning sheers.

Share your thoughts and comments!!!

Hmmm Shirmp and Nion's

Sadly, the editors at (or for) Senor Frogs must have had one to many Cadillac Margarita's while creating the menu. Come on folks how much money was spent creating these menu's and someone couldn't bother to proof read them?

Nion Rings anyone? I love that someone drew in the O.

You put your right leg in, you take your right leg out..

While I recognize the fun in this picture and how cute the kids are, at one point the little one on the far right had his leg hopped up over the cement barrier and was swinging back and forth over the edge. I looked over just in time to catch another women shielding her eyes from watching it and shrieking "oh i cant watch that..i cant watch....", this ledge is a good 20 feet in the air over a shallow catfish pond.

Dun uh Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun uh...Ok sound effects don't carry over so well in a blog....

This guy is not really a Douche but he is absolutely hilarious and for that I had to share........

Ranting New Yorker

Ranting New Yorker
I found a great link. I'll be tweeting some of the quotes because they are hilarious.

Sign? What sign? Rules - ah not for me my friend.......

Exhibit A

Followed by Exhibit B -
The poor car trying to squeeze through the one lane entrance while the owner of the van prances around inside....

And of course poor Exhibit C, car 1 is stuck waiting for the van and car 2 is stuck waiting for both of them..


I've been to this parking garage before and have seen lines of 4-5 people stuck on the ramp because some yahoo wants to park his car in the unloading zone and go inside instead of driving an additional 5 feet to the free parking spots.

How to catch the bad guys (I had no idea).

I live in a tourist town. Tourist season has started. I was at a hotel. It was beautiful outside today. I also like to play with my camera as I find nominees for the daily douche :). Okay, so I don't expect anyone to know about the last one (in fact if you do know this and see me perhaps you should run!) but the first four should be good enough reasons to carry a camera around.

I was fiddling with my camera today, testing out the light and taking some random photos. A man approached me watching me on his way to his car and stopped to ask me if I was a terrorist. He didn't ask me the time or if I was selling cookies, no he asked if I was a terrorist. Does that line normally work on terrorists? Man, if only we would have thought of that earlier!!! It would be so easy to catch terrorists and criminals.

Super smart investigator man: Hello, yes you there, with the bomb looking item are you a terrorist?

Terrorist: "Oh no!! You have asked me the one questions I must answer!! I must tell the truth yes, yes I am, you have caught me!!"

I wonder if that works with Douche bag boyfriends? That could have saved me some time in my single girl years.

I wish I knew some Russian or German (something with a harsh sound) so I could have yelled something at him and run off flailing my arms. Alas, I was not quick enough and simply said "Nooooooooooooooooooo" and went back to fiddling with my camera. He either A) Didn't believe me and was trying to get more information out of me or B)Realized what he said and was trying to back track, because he then started talking to me about gas prices.....hmmm......

Today, I nominate Mr. Mustache as the Daily Douche for suspecting me of terrorism.

Pollen Douche

Now, this is the kind of thing that drives me absolutely nuts. There is a giant empty parking lot (and yes it was empty all day) and this person decides that rather than park in an actual parking space they would rather save themselves walking a few feet so they park in the grass! Under a tree smack in the middle of pollen season!
Who does this? Why? It's just a few feet, now you have to go wash your car. It not only annoys me that they would refuse to park in a spot but they think the rules don't apply to them to the point that they think it's ok to park in the grass. The parking lot is for a business that has three large lots and its customers do this CONSTANTLY. They will literally park in the alley way (blocking me from coming in or out ) rather than a parking spot. I don't get it! MASS DOUCHINESS!

Slippers, A Stick and a Power Line

This morning I went to let my dog out to find an older women (in her 60's) shaking a stick at the fence next door. Now, I know the house is up for rent and I know the owner. This women is not the owner nor is she a renter. I watched her for awhile and I can't figure out why she is messing with the moss on the fence since she doesn't live there.

There are mossy vines growing all over the fence which actually provides some good coverage for whoever will eventually live there. She had a big white stick that she was running back and forth across the fence pulling it all down. At one point there was a piece that ran up to a tree above her and she was swinging the stick back and forth in the air trying to knock it lose. When that failed to detangle the piece she put her stick down, grabbed it and started shaking it back and forth as hard as she could. She is shaking it as hard as she can and it almost looks like she is doing the running man out there in her slippers with this vine in her hand. Mind you this piece of moss is attached to a tree that has a power line running right through it. It is also 7:30 am.

I tried to snap a picture of her for you but she moved behind one of the trees and I didn't want to be too obvious. I don't want her coming to shake a stick at my house....

Celebrity Douche of the Day - Lets Break Some Windows

So in order to show that he's over the whole "Rhianna Issue" Chris Brown decided to break a window at Good Morning America this morning. Way to go!

See the broken window here : Chris Brown Douche of the Day

Where is his publicist anyway? You would think they would have GMA agree not to ask certain questions before he is allowed to do the interview.

The Sidewalk to Nowhere

Who in the world lays a sidewalk that leads nowhere? There is no door on that side of the house, the sidewalk goes from a flat side of this house to dirt....who does this?
Did they start laying a patio and give up?

What is a Douche?

Urban Dictionary: a word to describe an individual who has shown themself to be very brainless in one way or another, thus comparing them to the cleansing product for vaginas.

A douche, my dear friend, is someone who has their head so far up their ass that they think that either A) They are utterly awesome when they are in fact not B) So incredibly entitled that they think they are king of the freakin world and can do as they please or C) Just a plan ol' acehole. When someone is acting like a douche you can run away, unless of course they have done something so incredibly idiotic that they have somehow forever left their mark behind. (Check out my post "The Sidewalk to Nowhere". )

I often find that I encounter Douche bags when trying to park my car. Ever go to park your car and some Douche has parked sideways or so far over their line they must have parked with their eyes closed, thus taking up two spaces and forcing others to park further away?

I've toyed often with starting up a site called "Douche a Day" but as I initially may not be able to bring one every single day to you I thus bring you "I See A Douche!". I will be posting photos when I encounter theses lovely people and I encourage you to email me any photos you come across of people involved in Douche like moments. I will post them as quick as I can!

Peace & Love,

Stumbelina